Back to the Start

1 AM. East Coast. Down South. Old Room.

Four years ago in this very same room, a naive junior just returned from her study abroad summer semester in Spain, wondering how she could make it back there again. The answer was obvious: teach English or get a master´s. Or both.

And so I went.

Last summer, I came back here again with much eagerness to return to Spain after renewing my contract, which has a 2-year limit. I was dying to go back.

And finally here I am again. Without a return plane to ticket booked to Madrid this time.

I picked up where I left off: back at the part-time job I motherfucking hate, living with Mom, sharing a car, looking for something to do in the future, doubting everything.

While battling nostalgia of Spain and searching for a full-time contract, I still also have to remain sane – which actually is the toughest part.

Since I got back, I tried to stay busy. I made a CD of my favorite songs, checked out a book, started going to salsa classes, signed up for online classes…but job searching is so tiring. After applying to 30+ jobs, I have been contacted once and had a phone interview, but they had kept me waiting – for the news… Good or bad, I don´t know.

Lately, I started getting into a lot of travelling vlogs and blogs again just like I did before leaving for Spain. Only this time, the target country is Colombia.

What I will say next is ridiculously silly – at least to a part of the logical me anyway.

Once upon a time, I was younger and more innocent. A few days of flirty exchange of messages from a boy from Medellín were enough for me to go on a date with him, and later going insane over him. The guy had a girlfriend at the time. The nerve.

But once I later (much later) realized that he became single, I approached him but with no luck. I didn´t get what I wanted,  so I searched for it from another Colombian guy. And got it. And never looked back at both of them.

Lo and behold, as luck would have it, entered another Colombian – this time from Cali. This one got me good. But of course it is not meant to be as we lead very different lives and so far apart from each other. Still, I am offended by his lack of effort and offer to stay friends. What the hell? F*ck, no.

I hadn´t reply to that ¨let´s continue to be friends¨ message as it had hurt me too much, but at least I got what I wanted for the time that I could – which is not the case with the one from Medellín.

And so I feel like I have an unfinished business with Colombia…especially Medellín.

Before you go on to think that I am planning for a holiday of sex tourism, I would like too say that damn, you´re a quick thinker.

Jokes aside, I think it´s important that I go to Colombia and meet the locals and see them as fellow human beings – not some seductive, smooth-talking creatures that will make me trip over my legs every time. For whatever reason, I think that it will broaden my mind to perhaps stop thinking something along the line of ¨Huh, his accent is beautiful, he says all the right thing, he is one sexy Colombian, I should just bang him already.¨

But knowing me, that will probably happen at least once during the trip. And that´s ok.

I want to stop being so harsh on myself with judgmental thoughts. Right now it is more important than ever to stay optimistic. Beginning tomorrow, I will wake up early, work out, shower, eat healthy, go to my part-time job with a smile, and keep blogging.

Let´s do this all over again, yeah??

I may fall, I may not get up, but I will be crawling til I can start running again.

~Brisa

 

 

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