This post was almost named ¨One Less Thing (to Worry About)¨, but it dawned to me that I should stop referring to a person as a ¨thing¨ -as heartless as they seem to be.
*Taking a deep breath
It takes courage…SO much courage to type these thoughts out. I have been keeping them in my head and am scared that once I typed them out, they will seem more…real. More concerning, to be exact.
Besides watching my diet cautiously after coming back ¨home¨, I´ve been using every joule of energy not to text a f*ck boy (defined by Urban Dictionary as ¨a person who is a weak ass (bleep) that ain’t bout shit¨ – definition for those who aren´t up to the pop culture and apologies for the language). But guess what? I did.
This person is… Gosh, how do I even begin?
For moral reasons, he´s someone whom I should never have seen. For the sake of my dignity, he´s someone whom I should have never texted first -and for several times.
It made me wonder if I had deeper issues. Do I hate myself this much to be trying so hard to keep someone who clearly has little time, interest, and respect for me? Why do I keep causing myself pain?
It hurts to type and it kills me to read what I just typed.
This whole situation has me thinking that I may need help. But acknowledgement is the first step, right?
Anyway, I think today was the last time. A final string has been pulled.
I wish him the best in all his future endeavors, but I don´t want to be a part of any of them.
I deserve so much better.