I have less than 50 days of college, yet I cannot seem to answer the question ¨What do you want to do when you grow up?¨. I am still wondering if I chose the right major, to be honest…

When I first applied for the undergraduate degree, I chose psychology. It was during my last semester in high school and I was still taking AP Psychology. I quickly found out that the field wasn’t for me, so I changed my major before I even started school here and switched to International Studies – with a European track.

The major is still quite new at my university – three years old, to be exact. It seems like the Department is still trying to figure out things itself. I suppose it would qualify as an interdisciplinary study – you know, the one that is extremely general and is not career-specific like, say, engineering or pre-law.

So this generous generality is what is causing me a headache…

A requirement of this brand new major is to study a foreign language. At least I have one thing clear: I love Spanish and will do whatever it takes to continue to study it. The solution is then simple: add Spanish to the degree. That’s how I became a double major.

You would think that I am suitable to go into foreign affairs, but….

I’m not sure if that’s what I want to do anymore…

The topic of international relations has bored me to death. I’m fed up and over it. As my college career progresses, I started taking more Spanish classes like Spanish Business, Civilzation, and Literature to satisfy the International Studies credits. To be honest, I don’t remember much from the international relations classes that I took in what seems like forever ago. If you ask me about some International organizations, I probably can’t answer them…

So this morning I noticed that my country is calling for an examination for those wish to be ambassadors… I read the instruction and wanted to pull my hair out.

First off, the compensation is ridiculously low – just about the same amount of what a high schooler would earn in the US, if not less. And sure, there is the opportunity to work in the international field and maybe, just maybe, travel – but who knows to what country.

All I know right now is the only country I want to deal with is Spain.

I’m sorry but I can’t stay here anymore, I just can’t.

What about going ¨home¨? I don’t know if I should even call it home anymore. I would have to adapt to the lifestyle there again-the one I had when I was born but had to abandon to come to the US… I don’t think I have the will or the energy to do that.

I just want to start somewhere new and fresh…somewhere that I CHOOSE to be, for once, for the first time.

I’m waiting for a good news from Spain that will help me decide everything. March 26 seems so far away.

I think I may stand a good chance – more so than the other program that was quick to judge.

If it’s a yes, I can finally move things forward and get ready for Spain. I’ve already visualized it all: where I could live (always scouting for an apartment on Idealista or Fotocasa), how I would get to school, what I could do on weekends, etc., etc., etc.

But if it’s a no…I will probably go back in the summer anyway and bid goodbye to Spain and freedom. Then head home to look for some corporate job that will pay me well…well enough that I could afford a trip to Spain every now and then.

For now, I am just waiting…scared and helpless.

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