One way to avoid getting hurt is distraction.
I was too distracted to notice this.
So it’s not surprising that I had always been focused on a few things and nothing else. School, work, sports, politics, etc., etc., It’s an unconscious self-defense mechanism.
I put emotions aside, convincing myself that they are “distractions” that sway me from trying to achieve whatever that is needed to be done… Maybe that’s why I became so out of tune with the emotions that surface from having new experiences. I was left confused, not knowing what to feel nor what to do, not even knowing what I want nor who I really am. Time flew by as the confusion grew and the next thing I knew was that it was too late to do anything.
And then I would spend time re-living the past. The questions of “what ifs” flow out in an endless stream. And they make me want to bang my head against the wall.
A month later, I’m only beginning to “feel”… One. Month.
They are thousands of miles away. You never know when you’ll meet them or even someone like them again. Chances are, things only happen once.
It’s best to move on with life, but remembering the good times bring so much happiness that I just want to keep re-living the moments. It doesn’t help that the place and environment that I am in now are absolutely hideous and possess no charm, let alone the similar kind of “magic” that was in the air of the Spanish summer.
I need to go back and redeem myself.
The countdown has started. Again.