They say ignorance is bliss.
I’m beginning to see why.
Life used to be simple. I only knew one way to live it. But after moving an ocean away from the familiarity, many things have presented themselves to me, many, many things.
Now I have more than one options. The possibilities are endless that it’s becoming impossible to choose.
I would take the simple route home, but the lenses that I use to see the world aren’t the same anymore. They have been distorted, straightened, thickened, stretched, heated, and frozen by the new experiences and opportunities. I had a thought of tying a knot with a humble country man, but I know that I will not be satisfied in a marriage with someone so narrow-minded because he hasn’t be introduced or refused to acknowledge the other ways of the world.
Or I can go to somewhere new and start over. That means undoing everything and forgetting the past. I don’t know if it’s wise to start again – getting to know the new culture and adapting to it takes so much effort. Chances are I will not be able to make as much money as Option #1, but I potentially could be really, really happy. But I don’t know how to deal with the loved ones who I would have to leave behind in the old world, and I wonder if this dream is just overrated. And if I decided to settle down with someone here, he will never know what my life has been like, so he probably will not truly understand where I’m coming from.
Or I can stay here. Nah, I can’t stay here. I can’t.
Then there are the people from the past and the present asking me to come back or stay. I would accept the option into my calculations but the people are more desperate than appealing, and it’s pushing me away. They’re making me feel as if I owe them something.
But this is my life.
I will decide what to do in the summer, when I am away from everything and trying to catch a glimpse of the future. By then, everything will be a bit clearer.