Even though I seem to the most egotistical self-centered piece of work, I have spent the last 19 years of my life living for others around me. I tried to be the best friend, daughter, granddaughter, worker, employee, etc, etc.
I’m just finding out today that you can’t be the perfect someone for somebody else, because their idea of perfection is something to be felt, not told. No matter how much you try to communicate, you can’t express something so abstract like that completely. Being the idiot that I was, I tried to make that communication work today. Now, as much as I try to please my loved ones, I hate begging – but that’s what I did….to a point of desperation, really. Well, I didn’t get down on my knees, thank goodness, but I was practically sobbing, and begging.
Yeah…that didn’t work.
I have always been a believer of being able to fix everything. Everything. What a control freak, right?
Here comes the enlightenment of the day: there are things that can’t be fixed. It can’t be fixed. It can’t be fixed.
I’m tired, so tired of fixing.
Ok, I’m going to stop crying now. And get back to my papers, or MotoGP, or soccer… You know, things that matter, things that please me without having me pleasing them.