On this glorious sunny summer day, I escaped the heat by ¨going shopping¨ in a mall not far from home. As I strolled through an accessories store, a little notebook distracted me from lazily glazing over the overabundant amount of little pieces of jewelry. The cover of the notebook was made to look like an envelope. It´s read ¨Letters to My Future Self¨. Inside, the pages are folded and labeled with different prompts… I have to say the design and packaging of this thing is ridiculously attractive, but since I am trying not to spend needlessly, I decided to return to you my old friend (WordPress) and write it out. So here goes:
I never want to forget this… I have recently turned 23 (a few hours ago, to be exact). Considered to be a baby by the elderly, I must say that I have an experienced a sh*t ton of things that not many 20-something´s would have. I have just returned ¨home¨ after 2 years in Spain, the place I actually considered my first home. I never want to forget my time in the Iberian Peninsula. There, I had many, many, maaaaany first´s: apartment, job, night out, night out alone, sex, one night stand, love (?), to name a few. Just 2 weeks before I left, I decided to go dancing alone because why the hell not. My only intention was to dance and nothing more. Of course, when you have no expectations, the men come pouring in. I was only dancing into my second song when I was approached. I danced with the first one for a bit and bid my farewell. Walking away, somebody else asked me to dance. Again, I did so briefly and tried to sneak away again, but he soon found me and asked for another opportunity. His accent was different, I thought, so I decided to have a conversation with him. When I found out he was Colombian, I literally groaned (Shit, not again, the 3rd one), considering I haven´t had the best experiences with the previous two. I knew how it was going to go. He was going to say all the right things and then fade away. I didn´t know that I was going to believe him…let alone fall for him.
This post deserves more than just a mention of someone I spent a few days with. (There will be more on that later as I can´t get him the f*ck out of my head and I´ve got time to kill). However, this particular event has affected my state of mind on this particular moment of my life….
Dear my future self,
By the time you read this, I hope you will be more at ease than I am. Not to worry, I am ¨fine¨. I´m back at home from my f*cking amazing 2 years in Madrid. You´d expect me to die from a heartache since you know that I love Spain SO DAMN MUCH, but I´m actually managing. Those frequent trips I took were to practice how to leave Madrid, so it will be alright.
Life goes on.
I had a great time on the other side of the world, but now it´s over. Rather, it´s time to begin again, to chase a new dreams. Currently, I am transfixed with the idea of living in Miami, but I don´t see that happening soon. I´ve applied for a job down there like 45 days ago at a university but I haven´t heard back… It´s not an ideal job, but I do have compatible qualifications and what I need the most right now is experience. Another job I´ve applied for around the same time period is in Tampa. Now this job would be PERFECT since it has to do with international education and that is what I am all about. However, I still haven´t heard from them either… I am growing more anxious by the minute. And how do I deal with this stress? I applied for more jobs – which I feel is kind of pointless because I would have to possibly wait even longer to hear back from them…but it is better than not doing anything.
Moving back home with Mom is not ideal. I feel like I lost my independence and freedom. Hey, at least there is always food and company.
I am trying my hardest to focus on how I feel in this letter, rather than saying things like ¨Wow, I´m such a loser, look at me¨. No more negative self-labeling. I am giving it my best to find light in these dark times. If anything, I need to be more kind to myself.
Anyway, by the time you read this, I hope you are employed, healthy, and happy. Hopefully, you are reading in Miami…or somewhere warm. I hope you are happy being single, or have found someone who loves and values you – even better than the way that Colombian did. I hope you have moved on. We both know that you and him have always been nearly impossible…even though I would give it a shot – but that doesn´t mean he will. It´s a lot to ask of a guy and it´s too much for you to be hopelessly waiting around for someone who didn´t have the decency to say goodbye but has the nerve to say he knows he will see me again. But if he really is the one…holy shit that would be amazing haha….I doubt it will be easy, though. I think you will thank me later when I finally have moved on 😉 Don´t I deserve so much more?