So here I am, returning to blogging to keep myself for going insane.
I´m exhausted and out of words to describe my life right now as I am ridiculously unhappy. Today I´m just here to find a place to keep my notes of books from the World Lit class that I´m checking out online. Without much further adieu:
Sunny Florida. People would die to be here while I am dying from being stuck here. The holidays have not been my best days and each passing second things seem to get darker and darker.
As if it wasn´t hard enough being unemployed and giving up my dignity – and freedom, I still have to stand being belittled by no one other than those closest to me.
I am apparently cowardice for not wanting the same things they do, that I run away from problems.
Only I know is that the problems that I am running from are these people – who claim to love and care for me most – dictating my life.
Each person has his or her own unique circumstances and it is illogical to make comparisons. Even if some people go through similar situations (which we almost never do), we go through them with different perspectives and come out of them differently. How narrow-minded must one be to tell another being how life should be lived.
Of course I would return to writing for comfort. I came back here exactly for the same reason why I started this blog: to keep me insane from waiting to go abroad. Only this time, my destination may not be Spain.
Yes, I should have posted more about my adventures in Spain (and Portugal, France, Italy, and Germany), but I didn´t. But to be honest, I do not regret not posting on here more, because I was enjoying the experiences at the moment.
And so here I am, back in the same room where it all had started, doing shit that I hate in a place that I despise.
What´s new this time around?
Well, I seemed to have a more committed relationship with the idea of teaching…for a career.
The thought itself is pretty scary. My 2 years in Spain has shown me that the native speakers do not have the respect that they deserve…and it is understandable. Most people only choose to ¨teach¨ English as an excuse to live and travel abroad. Many people only do it after graduating recently before moving on to other things. Too many treat the experience as Study Abroad 2.0. Others, who are brave (insane) enough to be in TEFL for many years, live the expat life despite all of the uncertainties that it brings… And I am somehow trying to be one of those people.
After coming home, the job search in my field of international education has not been futile. I got stuck working in retail since the summer but have managed to find an office job: Administrative Assistant in a building company. How about that?
I can list a skill of mine as convincing people to give me a job that I have no clue about, beating 112 other candidates.
While waiting to start my new job, I had a lot of time to think… Almost too much.
Despite already having a Master´s in International Education, I needed the 120-hr TEFL certificate to apply for many jobs. And so, I finished the course and am waiting for the certificate in the mail.
Meanwhile, I have marched on with the dreaded process of getting the prestigious paperwork, which I prefer not to talk about yet until I get it. I don´t know why I´m superstitious like that. It´s weird, I know.
I´m looking forward to save up for my next odyssey overseas – wherever that might be. But I am sure that I need to visit Puerto Rico before I leave the US…and spend some time in Colombia – weather to work or just have fun, I don´t know yet.
South Korea seems like an excellent option…but since I can´t go just yet, I am just lurking at the job offers. It´s not the most healthy thing but it keeps me focused on my long-term goal. I am trying my best not to fall into the comfort and familiarity of routines.
I am reporting to you live from the South of the good ol’ USA. If this is your first time here, allow me to give you a recap.
“De Compras in Madrid” is a blog that offers an insight to the Spanish culture through the art of shopping. It is my hope to take you to the streets of Madrid without leaving your home, or encourage you to leave your home and go shopping if you live in Madrid. The information is gathered throughout my 2 years of living in Madrid and is analyzed by yours truly, a 23-year-old self-proclaimed avid shopper.
But before going on a shopping spree in Madrid, I was on the other side of the counter. To save for my summer study abroad program (and later, a Master’s Degree), I worked part-time in a department store while attending classes full-time. My title…
Welcome to my 2nd post! Before getting lost into the world of fashion, I’d like to present some beauty products to live for in Spain. While some brands will sound familiar due to their global presence, others are exclusively available in the EU and/or Spain. So, please, take advantage of your location and swing by your local Primor or Juteco and let my spirit be with you. Keep in mind that I am not sponsored in anyway, just here to spread the words. These products (found in Spain but not all are made in Spain) saved my life and helped transform me from an insecure college girl into a presentable, happy-go-lucky intern in Madrid. Without further ado, here is a list of my treasure:
The truth is I´m not the best writer that I can be. I feel like I need to go back and take some basic writing classes and read more. After all this time, I´m still struggling to find the right words to convey my thoughts and emotions. So much for a cum laude graduate.
In the my whirlwind of problems, who would think a mere memory and what it could have been would continue to haunt me, and worse yet, affect my concentration to deal with the actual problems right in front of me.
Yes, guy problems.
Like I previously said in an older post, I met someone that I fell for in a ridiculously short amount of time. I wanted to make it work knowing full well that it wouldn´t. Somehow I managed to build on from his words uttered drunk. The idea of ¨long distant¨ relationship had gone from a absurdity to a possibility.
But bro sobered up, went home, and insisted on being friends.
I´m sorry but I won´t be able to watch him get back with his ex. That is just offensive to me and all women he had come across after the ¨breakup¨. A la mierda la amistad.
The cold treatment is what I get for overlooking his looks and him not telling me that he is a FATHER of a little girl, who, according to a recent post, has just turned 4.
There is just no place and time for me to be in his life. Not because I don´t want to, but he doesn´t make room. And he shouldn´t.
What´s disgusting is the fact that I had been reduced to think that I´m not worth it – not worth the time, the effort, a second thought. No one, NO ONE, should ever be made to feel this way.
While I am grateful of having the chance to meet him and have a nice time, I´m afraid I have to be the decisive one and retreat silently. He is doing just fine, marvelous – actually. He is at the top of the game professionally and personally. It´s time for me to borrow his words: ¨I wish you the best¨.
But now I´m gone – like the breeze that brought him joy in the early summer days.
A mere memory that he could forget but can never tell.
Like a song that has not been sung. A beginning that has never begun.
An existence that he will continue to seek in another one.
My tears have flown once, twice, and now thrice – but never more.
I am but a fading figure, leaving through the back door.
My interests in international relations took a literal turn while I was living in Madrid. (Typical blogger’s disclaimer alert). I am not a fan of stereotyping AT ALL and despise when people make assumptions about me based on my race and background, so I will try my best to avoid doing so in this blog. This post, of course, is biased and based solely on my experiences with a small number of men (I sure tried to research as much as possible but this is all I got, y’all). So how do I write without making careless generalizations of millions of men? Easy, I give them a name and pretend I am talking about a specific individual.
*Actual disclaimer, the name has been changed and a person described below may or may not be one actual person or a combination of people with similar traits.
Jorge el hipster
You might spot him smoking outside on the balcony of his quaint little apartment or run into him in cute coffee shops or small bookstores. He spends time in the alternative Malasaña and the hip Chueca neighborhoods. His closet maybe full of plaid shirts and tight jeans, but he loves all things vintage. He may say that he is open-minded, but never expect to see him in El Corte Inglés nor play mainstream pop/raggaeton/trap music near this guy. While his English skills may not be perfect (or near non-existent), he loves to incorporate English vocabulary into his speech. This diamond in the rough could sport a man bun or shave twice a year.
Hugo el hombre de negocios
He wears a nice silver watch on his left arm and carries his suitcase with the other. His hair is carefully styled with the “no-hair styling” look. If his outfit could be any sharper, it will literally cut you. Hugo looks like he steps out of a Massimo Dutti ad and knows where he is going. He can be seen during lunch in the Justicia, Castellana, or Castilla district (take a look here). However, you will lose sight of him during rush hour in the Santiago Bernabeu metro station among the sea of men in business wear. Luckily, black is not the only choice of color, so pay attention to the fashion-forward ones in grey and navy suits. Chances are he lives in the suburbs and only comes into the city for work. Sigh.
Tomás el tinderero (Not sure if that is an actual word but I sure made it up)
Finally, the man you have always been looking for: he is direct and honest. It will not take long for him to be upfront about what he wants (but seriously though, what is ¨cyber sex¨ anyway?). However, he will not be that way when you ask him point-blank about what he is looking for on Tinder. His response will most likely be ¨Lo que surja¨ (¨whatever comes up¨…like, really, bro?). You will see him based on his schedule. Be patient with this one, he is juggling all that he can without dropping anything to wake up his girlfriend. But when he finally makes the effort to take on you a date, he wears shorts and t-shirts…or even a tank top. Yikes.
Pedro el party animal
While he cannot particularly dance, he claims to be a lover of music. He is friends with the DJ’s and knows bouncers on a first name basis. He has a group of close friends that he will always hang out and get rowdy with in the club. He flirts by tapping you on the shoulder or bumping into you from behind. His day may start as early as midnight, but will not end until 6AM. On a 3-day weekend, he will most likely make a quick escape to Gandia or Benidorm. You will most definitely run into him in a foam party somewhere in Ibiza in the summer, if he wasn’t at Tomorrowland, that is.
Alejandro el alumno
He goes by Alex. His goal is to stay in school as long as possible. While he may or may not be a native of the city, he probably lives in a flat in Moncloa. Alex owns hoodies with American collegiate logos and many print t-shirts with ridiculous quotes that make no sense because he shops at Bershka and H&M. He could go “tapeando” in Lavapiés with his buddies if he was in a good mood, but he doesn’t mind eating in 100 Montaditos either. He enjoys his student discounts to museums nightclubs and is often seen in white, light blue, or baby pink long sleeve button-down shirts – it’s a uniform. He will claim to be studying during exam time either to avoid seeing you or lure you to come to his place. My advise is just let him study and finish school already.
Enrique el español
I avoided putting him first on the list because some readers will roll their eyes and stop reading, but we cannot leave Enrique out. While it is perfectly ok for him to criticize the government, his fútbol’s team performance, or the transportation, it doesn’t mean that it is ok for you to do the same. He thinks Spain has the best food despite the fact that he has yet to explore the endless possibility of foreign cuisines. Even though he does not go see bullfights (at least not on a regular basis), he sees it as an art that should not be prohibited. Hates FC Barcelona and makes fun of Shakira. Thinks he is smooth with the ladies but actually isn’t. Far from it.
Luís el latino
If it is anyone who is smooth with the ladies, it’s this guy. Chances are he’s Colombian or Dominican. Unlike Pedro, he knows how to approach a woman and seduce her with words (and empty promises). Soon enough, he will offer to teach you how to dance salsa or bachata. His outfit is usually not as neutral as the others’ and he may not have the best fashion sense, but his seduction game would be strong enough to blind you. He likes to build just enough trust and intimacy to make the sex great, but it doesn’t mean shit that he is genuine. If you confront him about him lying that he was single, he will call you crazy and you might believe him. My advise is run and don’t look back.
André el africano
He is from North Africa and speaks perfect Spanish and English. While your average Alvaro’s are hanging out and about (read: not approaching you first), he is not afraid to come up to you to start a convo. If he wanted to dance with you, he would ask…even though you were clearly already dancing with someone else. André does not care. If you refuse to dance or flirt with him, he may ask ¨Is it because I’m black?” with a straight face. Like Pedro, he has a lot of contacts for the nightlife.
Emmanuel the Erasmus Bae
A possible roommate of Alex, Emmanuel is spending a semester or a year in Madrid. He will use the Bear in Sol as a meeting point despite knowing that there are a thousand people there. While his apartment is somewhere in the dead center of the city, it is ridiculously tiny and he prefers to be somewhere less claustrophobic – like La Kapital, Joy Eslava, or Fabrik. Expect him to send you invitations to university parties and Erasmus events on Facebook. You will definitely meet him at language exchanges. Even though his looks could pass him for a local, the way his clothes are fitted is usually a giveaway. Spaniards generally wear clothes that fit them well (too tight by American standards) and no one is better at it than they are. Well, except for the Italians.
Brian the Bro
Someone has managed to dress worse than Emmanuel. Brian walks around in his old college t-shirts and flip flops (not going to the beach) or sneakers (not going to work out) and carries a backpack. He is studying abroad or doing a gap year teaching English, but is not ready to leave his frat ways behind. On Sundays, he will organize an NFL-watching party at his place or in some American bar. While his goal is to “meet” as many Spanish women as possible, he finds himself in the English-speaking bubble and ends up hooking up with a compatriot. While you may hear him chant “America!” ever so frequently, he frequents Irish bars and gets white-boy wasted. Just because there’s music at the bar doesn’t mean it’s for dancing, Brian. Sigh.
Ethan the Experienced Expat
Lastly, Ethan is everything Brian isn’t. He plans to never going back to America, a place that he feels lacks history and culture for his taste. He does not identify with the “basic” expat circles and has a deep appreciation of the Spanish ways…and tries too hard to fit in. He likes to correct and lectures others about Spain – his adoptive home. Because he cares not for superficiality, he doesn’t care much about his wardrobe. He prefers off-beaten path places, so don’t force him to hang out in Callao. His preferred getaway destinations include places in Asturias, Galicia, or Basque Country. If he was to go to Catalunya, he avoids Barcelona at all costs. Try catching him during his vacay’s by closing your eyes and throw a dart at a map of Spain.
And so I will end with an almost actual meme of myself.